Love...What if it's hard?

So much can change in a week... Some would disagree with this statement, but I have found that so much can change in one day with just one decision. Every day the decisions we make impact and move us closer and closer to who we will become. It is simply a mater of whether we are making a concious decision to become who we are becoming or whether we are simply just going about our days and lives without realizing who we are becoming. In this journey of either intentionality or passivity one of the many decisions we make everyday is about love. What does love look like? Who are we to love? Why do we love? What about when it's hard or we've been hurt what does love look like then? Or what about if we didn't even do anything but somehow there is conflict? How do we respond then? What does it look like if we disagree with the life decisions that someone is making? What should love look like then? Unfortunately we often find ourselves in this limbo of trying to navigate and figure out what love looks like in these tough circumstances. We live in a world full of conflict and one that says that once someone has hurt you write them off and move on. Or worse yet that when there is conflict you respond in a tailspin of reactions and ride the waves of whatever emotion you have that day. Love, however, is a choice. It's a choice to love no matter feelings or conflict. [Now this is not to say that you stay in unsafe, detrimental situations because this is certainly not the case. What I'm talking about here is conflicts that don't include abuse.] Love loves on good days & on bad days in spite of flaws and hurt feelings or perfect days or qualities. The perfect example of love we see in Christ.

 "Out of Hiding" by Steffany Gretzinger is such a powerful song about this.

Come out of hiding you're safe here with me
No need to cover what I already see
You've got your reasons but I hold your peace
You've been on lock down but I hold the key

And I loved you before you knew what was love
And I saw it all still I choose the cross
And you were the one that I was thinking off
When I rose from the grave
Now read of the shackles, my victory's yours
I tore the veil for you to come close
There's no reason to stand at a distance anymore
You're not far from home

I'll be the lighthouse when you're lost at sea
And I will illuminate everything
No need to be frightened by intimacy
Just throw off your fear and come running to me
Oh

And Oh as you run what hindered love
Will only become part of the story

Baby you're almost home now
Please don't quit now

He saw it all but he still chose the cross. I'm so thankful that in our shortcomings and imperfections that Christ already saw- He knew everything that I have done and will do- and He still chose to die on that cross and pay for it. It's only thru experiencing Christ that we know what true love is. It is thru him that love is perfect. So what does love look like in the hard circumstances? Well to know that you have to look at the situation thru the lense of Christ's love- you have to know that you are loved more than you could ever know and that changes things. It doesn't mean that things don't hurt or that what happens is just suddenly ok, but it does mean that we can forgive and love in circumstances because God is bigger than the situation. It means that when I find my identity and love in Christ that He is the one I run to with those situations and He is the one who works and heals my heart. He actively works in my life enabling me to forgive and to love in situations that would otherwise be hopeless. It doesn't mean that it magically happens. It means that when I feel hurt or bitterness start to creep into my heart about a situation again I stop and call it out, take it to Christ, and make the intentional decision again that I have and am choosing to forgive and love. There are days that it is easy and there are days that it's hard because all these thoughts flood my mind of it not being fair, how much it hurts, what should've or could've been done, the disappointment, etc. But it is in that moment that I choose either intentionally to call it for what it is and take it to Christ or I passively let it creep in until it becomes a part of who I am without even realizing it. It doesn't mean that I'm not looking at reality or not dealing with what has happened it means simply that I've been intentionally choosing who I'm going to be and bitterness, hate, and hurt are not a part of that. Plus God is bigger than whatever happens. His victory is ours! If we are in Christ, we have a choice. We don't have to live by the waves of emotions or live by circumstances any longer. Plus the best part is all those circumstances (what hindered love) just becomes part of the testimony of what God is doing in your life (becomes part of the story). So when it's hard to love and in situations you take the lense of Christ's love and how He lived that out (which we know because it is recorded in scripture) and look thru that to see. We live in a fallen world where we all make decisions that we aren't proud of, hurt people, and sometimes end up where we never thought we would go. But the good news is that's the before... before Christ that's what our life is, BUT with Christ we have the choice to live in a different way. It doesn't mean we sit and judge but what if instead of looking at people's reactions and reacting or writing them off we took a step back and looked at what was really going on in that person's life and showed grace and love? How would that change our relationships? Our world? Sometimes you'll get push back because people are used to the world's reaction and don't understand why you would show grace and love when no one else will or they don't deserve it. That's the beauty of the cross and being able to share that with others. But how can we do this if we aren't in communication with the one who is love or if we don't know how Christ showed love or we haven't experienced Christ's love for ourselves where it has become real in our life? That's why it's so important to know the word because it's a major way that God speaks and transforms us. But how can we know the word or be transformed if we aren't in it- reading it, studying it, interacting with it & others to apply it to our life and allow it to change us. How can we show love to others if we are at home in bed and don't even show up? We have to be present and intentional even when you don't feel like it or want to. We have to be people that are in the word and pray even when it's hard until it becomes a part of who we are. It all comes down to a choice, everyday. Are you intentionally becoming who you want to become or are you passively becoming someone who when you get there you'll be surprised. You are becoming more and more everyday who you will be. Will you be one who gathers or one who scatters? One who is intentional or one who is passive? May we not be a people that when we look back over our life we see the times of conflict and hurt as we bitterly think in our heart and end up somewhere we are surprised to be and don't know how we got here. My prayer is that we intentionally choose love and forgiveness even when it's hard and we intentionally choose who we become so that when we get there is much rejoicing and storytelling of how God is faithful and carried us thru it all. That we are where we are despite the hurt and all the bad that tried to stop us because God took it and used it.

"He who is not with me is against me; and he who does not gather with me scatters."

Matthew 12:30

"We love because He first loved us."

1 John 4:19

"Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned grey, I will take care of you. I made you & I will take care of you. I will carry you & I will save you."

Isaiah 46:4

Chains

So I'm sitting here in the Brentwood Starbucks reading and writing on N.T. Wright's Surprised by Hope for one of my classes, while in my normal pattern I distractedly look around to observe all those who are in Starbucks currently. After observing the various meetings and coffee dates taking place a little boy catches my eye. He is enjoying a piece of what appears to be lemon pound cake while intently looking at his grandmother, who is currently on her cell phone. They talk back and forth for a while during which he intently looks at her. You can see the admiration and love in his eyes as he looks at her. She clearly has a large impact on his life. Now before you call me creepy and weird hear me out. It suddenly struck me how many different opinions and things that this young boy will be taught, if it hasn't already started, that he should or shouldn't do, what makes him a good or bad person, or a good or bad Christian. We are all taught chains from a very young age. Now I don't mean literal chains, but rather chains as in expectations and the dos and don'ts that we should live by for a given result. We are all taught or we quickly learn that for people to like you certain behaviors are ok while others are not. Unfortunately, the church also has a list of dos and don'ts that make you a good or bad Christian. You must have a quiet time everyday and you should "want" to read your Bible and pray, which don't get me wrong are great things, but can be chains if they become the meter by which we measure and judge ourselves by. It's very easy to slip into the (legalistic) thinking that God is pleased and close when I read my Bible a lot, but if I miss a day or heaven forbid a week then God is displeased with me and far away. God is pleased with me only if I am serving. . . or have the right attitude. . . or give a lot in the offering plate. . . These along with so many others are chains that we have put on ourselves. These along with all the chains the world tries to put on us keep us from the freedom and abundant life that God calls us to. As Romans 8:1 says "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." You see we are no longer condemned when we are in Christ, but rather we experience freedom. Just as 2 Corinthians 3:17 tells us that "Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom." Freedom. Freedom as in there are no chains. Freedom in that we get to have abundant life in Christ. Freedom in that we don't live by what the world says about us but that we are free to live in who God created us to be. Freedom in that we can move and serve and love in the way that he leads us. There is not one 4x4 box that says Christian that we all have to fit into. God created us all differently and that's ok, it's actually good... very good as God says in Genesis. However, we often pick back up those chains that Christ freed from, and then when we're tired and look at God saying we can't do it anymore He lovingly looks at us and says why are you holding on to those chains that I already freed you from. It's as if a bird that was set free and could experience the world flew back into the cage, closed the door, and then was sad that it was inside the cage when it put itself there. No one is stopping us from the abundant life that God has for us and calls us to, but often we stop ourselves- whether because of previous hurts or being scared to go outside our comfort zone of a 4x4 box. So as I sat here in Starbucks reflecting on this thought while watching this young boy, and my prayer is that he knows God. That God makes his presence and his love so real in this young boys life that he doesn't live in the chains people try to put on him, but that he can live in the freedom and abundant life of Christ. This is my prayer for us all. That we may be a people who are transformed by Christ and know his love and freedom in a real way in our lives. That we don't put our chains back on that Christ frees us from, but that we walk in His love. . . Free. . .

"The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy, BUT I have come that they may have LIFE and have it ABUNDANTLY."

-John 10:10

"Now the Lord is Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty."

-2 Corinthians 3:17

My life lately

Life over the past three years has been interesting to say the least. It's held challenges I never saw coming, experiences I wouldn't trade for the world, and transformation in ways I never thought possible. God has taught me so much in the last three years of ups and downs, and He has revealed Himself to me in so many new ways. You never know if you truly believe what you believe until it's tested in a way that you're either all in and cling to it or you walk away. Well the last two years especially have been that for me, and I can say that God has shown up in ways I never could have imagined. From providing for school to placing certain people in my life and so much more. God is so good- and it's not just something that is said anymore but rather it has real personal meaning and experience to it. Needless to say after struggling through things for a while I was tired and worn out. I don't know how many times one person can tell God that they just want to move on and need a break from life, but how ever many times its possible I said it. I had come to peace with the situation and was ready to file it away in the cabinet of things that have happened, but it wasn't over yet (I don't know that it will ever be). And I was tired of having the same conversations over and over again and dealing with the same situations over and over. I was frustrated with why it wasn't over yet, and was tired of everyone chiming in with how I should or shouldn't handle the situation. So God presented that escape/break for me last summer through the opportunity to work Centrifuge, for those of you who've ever worked or been to Fuge you're probably laughing at the thought of it being a break but it was exactly what I needed. God showed up and taught me so much throughout the summer as I was able to pour into students and grow in community with the other staffers. God really taught me a lot about his grace that summer and what it really looks like in my everyday life and interaction with others. I remember there being a time where I would react to things people did and be judgmental, but sometime in the last three years to last summer God changed that. The fact is life happens and people make mistakes- that doesn't make them ok, justified, or right- it makes them human in need of God's love and grace just like me. Things happen that you never thought would happen, you get hurt in ways you didn't know were possible, but God is bigger than all of that. God is bigger than the circumstances. God is bigger than the hurt. It's not about me, what I want, how I feel, but rather its about what God is doing and how he sees that person. God has really changed my perspective from reacting to a person's outside actions to show grace and see what issue is really going on. It doesn't mean that my feelings aren't valid or that the hurt isn't real or that what they did was ok. It simply means that God is bigger than that. So anyway after the summer this school year started- my senior year only I won't be graduating because I have classes I will never use to finish before I can student teach making me a fifth year senior next year when I will graduate. As you can tell I had the best attitude about my classes this year, not- well except for my education class that I loved. My attitude, for the lack of a better word, sucked. I didn't want to do the work because I was frustrated that I wouldn't use the information and didn't understand it. And trust me everyone that knew me was aware of the classes that I didn't like and how I was never going to use them to teach middle school math. Now don't get me wrong I also had an education class and teaching placement that I loved, and it was extremely beneficial but as far as the rest of my classes I had the worst attitude. I got in the rut of complaining about these classes, and I didn't realize how much my attitude about those classes was affecting my life- plus it didn't help I was back in the world of dealing with the same things I wanted to be done with over and over. Finally towards the end of the semester I realized how much I had let my focus get off course. Like Peter, when he sunk when looking at the storm instead of Jesus when walking on the water, I had taken my eyes off Jesus and focused on my day to day circumstances and used the it has to get done excuse to justify the craziness that was going on in my life. I began to pray that God would refocus me and that He would reveal Himself to me in a new way. That He would be the center of my focus and all that I wanted- because in all honesty at that point He wasn't. So it happened that I found out about a mission trip going to San Francisco over winter break through school, and I knew the leader of the trip. I met with her and after talking with her numerous times and probably driving her nuts with I just don't know if I can come up with the money; I reluctantly signed up for the trip. I sent out letters and emails to people to raise the money for the trip- which by the way did I mention was only two weeks away at this point. God completely came through and provided the money for the trip through friends, teachers, and people I didn't even know. Little did I know that God was about to show up in a HUGE way in my life on the first night of the trip. The whole time preparing for the trip and working with those in the tenderloin district in San Francisco, God kept bringing to mind the song by Chris Tomlin- God of this City. God really for some reason pressed in my heart the potential/expectation of what God can and will do in San Francisco. So we get there the first night- we immediately go serve dinner at the mission and go on a prayer walk. After this we go on the roof of SF City Impact, my favorite place by the way, and are simply praying for the week when all of a sudden this intern that I didn't know and had barely said hi to turned to me and told me everything that I was waiting on God for. I had always heard stories of when God told someone something through a random stranger, which was always so awesome, but I had never experienced it until San Francisco. God not only spoke what I had been waiting on but also truth that I had never experience before. See this was the first night I had been out of my situations and normal element for God to really speak to me in a long time. It was the beginning of what has been God teaching me more and more about his love and drawing me into a deeper relationship with him. That week in San Francisco and the weeks after it were filled with God pouring out his love on me- it didn't matter that my attitude sucked or that I hadn't done what I should have, God's love for me never changed. I had been operating out of an idea- of God is pleased with me only if I have a right attitude or do the right things that bring glory to Him- without even realizing it. It was so freeing to realize and experience the freedom of Christ in God's love. San Francisco was a major time of renewing that I needed, and it was a major perspective change for me. After San Francisco I really felt like God was telling me I needed to take a step back, cut some things out, and make more room for him. Now this wasn't a very popular idea with several people when I stepped out of some leadership roles, but I was going to go where God was leading me, popular or not. After some class scheduling issues I ended up needing one random class to be full time so I ended up in disciplines of christian living- which was completely God orchestrated. You see God was teaching me about rest, quiet, and an intimate relationship with Him, and in this class we talk about different spiritual disciplines such as breath prayer, centering prayer, and meditative reading of scripture that deepen our relationship with God. So as God was drawing me to a new level with Him, He was actually presenting me with different opportunities and ways to try doing this. It's truly incredible to see how what I thought was random and chaotically thrown together was actually God's perfect timing. God is still teaching me a lot about freedom, abundant life in him, and what a relationship with him daily in full trust looks like. I can't wait to see where it will all lead and what He is going to do. There are a lot of unknowns in my life right now, but I feel a peace knowing that God is up to something and He is doing something big in my life. God has truly transformed my life in the past three years and he is still continuing to do that. I am so thankful and can't wait to see what he has in store. Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!!!

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

                   -Psalm 37:4

"I have come that you may have life and have it to the full (abundantly)."

                   -John 10:10

Real Life and the Holiday Mix

So I found this draft of a post I didn't finish late one night from back in November. And I think it still applies and is so true right now so I finished it out, and I'm posting it now. Hope you enjoy :)

So apparently I'm following my theme of posting every month or every few months for the most part... lol!!! There's simply not enough time in the day to get everything done much less blog... lol!!! But anyways.... back to the issue at hand. Lately there's been so much going on between classes, teaching at croft middle school, callie having 5 puppies, giving away 3 puppies, penelope and brownie (the other 2 puppies) getting lost, finding them in the woods, stella & dot, eileen fisher, halloween, thanksgiving . . .   (the sad thing is the list could go on and on... haha!) Needless to say I'm doing good to get sleep at night much less breath or process everything... Some of you know the situation that has been ongoing for the last year and a half, and well this year as a result many many things are different. In fact so much so that it has almost just ruined the holidays . . . I've honestly had a really bad attitude about them lately and even said that I just want to skip the holidays (I know I know you're thinking megan want to skip the holidays?!? The energetic, bubbly, excited girl who loves everything about the holidays wants to skip them?!?) Yes you heard me right, I have wanted to skip the holidays... I don't want to start new traditions, I want to be two years old again when everything wasn't so crazy and satan hadn't done a number on people in my family (or at least I wasn't aware of it yet because I was 2). It is truly crazy to see stories in the bible and things that many people who grew up in church hear all their life come alive in your life . . . The bible isn't just a bunch of stories like so many people say or just a guide to live your life by like other people think! It is the living word of God!! It is about real people who really lived and breathed and struggled with things. And the neat thing is, is that God showed up and used them. God was real and active in their lives and used them in their weaknesses. David was a man after God's own heart, yet he committed adultery and murdered and Abraham laughed when God said that Sarah would have a child. There are some excellent examples in the bible of how people doubted God, questioned, or just outright sinned. However, the beautiful part is that God still used them. The truth is that just because God saves you and you become a Christian that doesn't mean that life is easy, you suddenly have it all together, or that you're perfect. It actually means quite the opposite. It means that life is crazy, you're still tempted, you are called to love others with God's love, to live selflessly, to surrender your life and plans to Christ, all while going to school, working, dealing with family and friends, and any other crazy things in your life. Last time I checked thats far from a perfect, easy, all together life. The difference is that we have Christ, his love, his peace, his grace, him living inside of us and leading us. But we the world often doesn't see all of that and the work that God is doing in our lives. We go to church and we get there and suddenly this image of we are perfect and put together and now that we have Jesus life is great and easy now occurs. You can be fighting with your family one second, struggling to keep your head afloat but as soon as you're at church or around people your life is perfect. We portray this image that we have it all together because we don't want anyone to see our faults or to judge us. But the fact is that we cheat ourselves and others when we live with this mask because they never get to see how God is working in our lives. Life as a Christian is about showing the world God's love and how he is working in your life, not about how perfect you are. Last time I checked people can't see God work when you're in the way. The fact is that eveyone knows that you're not perfect, that you're human, that you make mistakes so why be fake. God designed us to lean on one another and encourage each other, and to be real. If Daniel had been fake and acted like everything was perfect and he could do it all, would people have seen how great God is and how he worked in his life? Would the Israelites been killed if Esther acted as if everything was perfect and never spoke out? God wants to work in your life and reveal himself through you but that means you have to get out of the way. Because the real truth is that it is in our weaknesses and faults that God shines through the best because we can't do it, only he can. So, I want to challenge you to be real with people, to talk about what's going on in your life, ask for prayer, and share how God is working, to find out what being love really means and be open. Find a good group of Christian friends and be open and honest with each other and be open to share as God leads you. May we be a people that when someone looks at us they can see our faults and our weaknesses and see that it is truly God that worked in our lives and how amazing God is. May we be real, dare to be who God has called us to be, and let love be the difference. People will let us down, we will have disappointments, but God is ALWAYS the same. 

What Love really Means....

Love. Love is interesting. We use love in many different contexts: I love coffee, football, concerts, this blue dress, a certain tv show, a dog, a friend, etc. In fact Love has become a common word such as cool that has lost meaning. We "love" inanimate objects, we "love" an idea, but what does love even really mean. Do we see it in our society? So often we get disappointed or let down by people that we love and we think they know better, or we get frustrated with someone because of how they react to things. However, the fact remains that God is love. So if God is love and love comes from God then those who do not know God cannot love in a true way, it's simply an imitation. Imitation sweeteners is just that an imitation of sugar, sure it tastes similar and some people can't tell the difference, but there is a large difference. Maybe we don't put labels on our love as imitation, but if we aren't in God then its just that imitation. Sure people can still say they love one another and do nice things but the problem is that our love as humans is imperfect, it's selfish. Hence why we get disappointed or let others down. But, God's love is another story. His love is patient, kind, doesn't easily anger, keeps no record of wrongs (oh yeah you know the part where Jesus died for your sins and cast them as far as the east is from the west...Now tell me why is it again we keep track of petty indiscretions against each other when the God of the universe gave you grace and saved you?), it's not self seeking, it doesn't boast.... you know what I'm talking about all those characteristics that describe love in 1 Corinthians 13 God exemplifies and demonstrates them on a daily basis, but we can't handle showing love when we stand in a line or drive down the street. Now I know what you're thinking, sometimes those people are annoying because they drive too slow or they aren't paying attention and I have places to be... Well, is it honestly worth getting upset or being rude? Why don't we instead pray for that person and for God to reveal himself in their life wherever they're at so they may see him. Love takes us off the pedal stool of ourselves. ***NEWSFLASH*** for those who didn't already know this life is not about you! How different would we live our lives if we actually took the time to love others? What impact would it make on those around us if we chose to love even when it's hard? (and trust me it's hard sometimes because you may not want to or you may have been genuinely wronged. but it's in those times that you have to remember to look at that person as God sees them, as one of his creations with a purpose- even if they aren't living it out at the moment). Look for opportunities this week to show God's love to others, and see what a difference it makes in your life. May we be people who seek God so that He can flow out of our lives.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

1 John 4:7-12

        "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing."

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

                           

Late night thoughts and reeling minds....

So when I laid down in bed at 11:30pm because I was exhausted I was suddenly wide awake. Not only was I wide awake, but my mind was reeling. So since it is now 12:09am, I thought I may as well get up and do something... I decided that maybe if I get some of my thoughts out I can go to sleep (we'll see how this theory goes).

There have been so many things going on lately that I haven't really had time to process everything hardly much less blog. lol!! Oh well but here goes nothing. The other night I was at work and one of the girls was saying that we should only go through one major change in a year (such as moving, changing jobs, changing schools, etc). One major change a year? Hah that's funny. You see life doesn't go by the only one change a year rule. Everything is constantly changing in life, and big changes occur all the time. In the course of a year alone I have changed jobs, schools, moved on campus, and had other major life changes.... Lets see that 1...2...3...4....5......100 (Ok, so not really 100 but that's what it feels like sometimes). 

One major change a year? Sure didn't happen this year... The fact is that everything changes constantly, and with these changes comes joy, sorrow, rejoicing, fear, and disappointments... But what happens when sorrow or disappointment is on the other side of these changes. How do you deal when things don't end up as what you thought or how you wanted? Sure everyone is disappointed at times, but what happens when you experience heartbreak and your world is crashing down? No amount of advice can change it. 

Thankfully, I know one who heals broken hearts. One who can handle disappointments, sorrow, and pain. One who not only can handle them but heals and changes everything. The One who is constant, who cares, and who loves you more than you could ever know... God! He sent his son to die on the cross, and now we can have a direct personal relationship with him. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to "Cast all your cares on him, for He cares for you." What happens is these things happen, and we try to take care of it ourselves instead of relying on God. We don't know the big picture, and just because things didn't turn out how we wanted doesn't mean they didn't how God wanted or that he doesn't have a plan. "He works all things together for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28). So take your troubles, disappointments, heartbreak, joys, and delights to God, for he cares for you.

 One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 46:4, "Even when you are old and your hair has turned grey, I am the same. I made you and I will take care of you." Although life throws curve balls and things change, God. The God that parted the Red Sea, raised the dead to life, healed lepers, and raised Christ from the dead is the same God that works in my life daily. He is the all powerful, all knowing, Great I AM, and He loves me. He knows the number of hairs on my head, and even as things change in my life and I get older God will still remain faithful and take care of me. I hope that brings you comfort. It brings me so much comfort and joy to know that no matter what may come my way God is constant. When others disappoint me and my world feels like it is crashing down; God's love never fails, never gives up, and never runs out on me!! How great it is to know that in a year and a half when I am looking for a teaching job, and hopefully setting up my classroom that God is there through it all. I am a dearly beloved child of God, and nothing can change that! That is what changes how we react and interact with people. And I am so thankful for that. And always remember.....

"Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  - Philippians 4:6-7 

Christmas . . . Music . . . and all that fun

SO I was just happened to find a draft from around December 15th last year. I guess it was late and I never finished it, but i'm going to post what I did have because I think it is so cool to see how much my life has changed in the past six months and where God has me now. So enjoy the little snippet from last December... it's hard to believe it's almost October and December will only be 2 months away.... Crazy!!!! Oh how time flies!!

I have been so remiss in the craziness and its been forever since i've written. Not that i have been at a loss for topics to write about considering my life has become a movie or soap opera lately... lol. But anyways with everything being so crazy i've done good to sleep. So here's the abbreviated scoop. I am finally done with finals, test, and homework for this semester :) WOOHOO!! No more school till January. I've applied for study abroad this summer and am waiting to see if I get the scholarship so I can go, and I have all the usual craziness with everything else that I do. I am have applied and am looking at transfer schools for the Fall of 2012. There is so much more I could say about what has happened lately but i'll leave it at that and get to the fun. December brings the Christmas Season, Holiday cheer, and my favorite Christmas Music. Yes I said it, I LOVE Christmas Music! All the grumbles can commence. lol. And yes I work Retail so everyday I work I am surrounded by Christmas songs like "Here Comes Suzi Snowflake..." And I still love Christmas Music. I love December between Mom's  birthday, My birthday, and Christmas it's one crazy holiday season. I love all the snow, cold weather, clothes, music, traditions . . .  It's all so fun and festive!

Genuine Authenticity

So.... its been a year since I last posted... WOW!! So much has happened and changed over the past year. I started leading middle school girls on wednesday nights, graduated with my Associates, went to Greece for May on study abroad, was the maid of honor in a friends wedding, taught at VBS as the missions coordinator for all ages, was one of two female chaperones for church camp, transferred to Lipscomb, moved on campus, along with a few other things. Don't worry I wont try to fill you in on all those things; I will post about Greece and include pictures at another time but tonight I'm writing about what is on my heart. So in the past year many other things have come to pass as well... Other life-changing, heart-breaking things that have forever impacted my life. It has been amazing to see how God has worked in the midst of those circumstances. I am so thankful for all that God is teaching me and how he is active in my life. One of the things that God has been teaching me in is sharing and talking about him with others. Yeah yeah I know you're thinking that's what we're commanded to do and that's what the great commission is all about; however, its more than going on a mission trip, going out door to door, going out as evangelist, or designating service or church time as when you talk about God. Rather, it is to be something that others see in our lives and that we share with everyone we come into contact with. It should be evident in our relationships. Jesus was authentic and genuine in his relationships and the people he came into contact with. Its ok that we don't have everything together and don't know all the answers, to tell the truth thats the testament to how great God is because we can't do it, but in Him we have strength. So, it has been something that God has really been challenging me in to ask each other what God is teaching them, what they're struggling with, and how do they see God working. We have become a society where people go to church and never challenge each other or sit down and be real with what's going on in our lives. It's amazing the opportunities He has given me to do this from wednesday nights with my middle school girls, to my relationships with friends, to random people that I have met at school, and the Women at the Well group at the coffee shop. Needless to say God has taught me so much over this past year, its too much to write about. Anyways, so to whats on my heart tonight... One part of this is being authentic and consistent. We cannot say one thing on Monday, change the story on Tuesday, do something completely different than either of those and then expect someone to believe or trust us. I will spare you of my rant about being honest and open with people and being authentic. Anyways, I want to challenge you to look at the relationships you have with people.... who do you come into contact with on a daily basis? Who do you randomly see? Who are your friends? and to think What is God doing in their lives? I often when driving down the road and passing cars wonder what God is doing in each person's life and what their stories are. I want to challenge you to stop, take an extra second to talk to that person who is having a bad day, smile, and to simply just be there for people, have authentic relationships and see what God does through them!! Keep one another accountable and ask what God is teaching them and how they see him at work. Be the hands and feet of Jesus and live out His love!! But enough for now its late, I have to submit an assignment and take a shower. Don't worry more about Greece and the Well to come. Night all. 

In the Blink of an Eye . . .

In the blink of an eye. . . that statement could end in many different ways. In the blink of an eye life is over. In the blink of an eye we grow up. In the blink of an eye life changes. In the blink of an eye . . . It amazes me how literally in the blink of an eye everything can change, things that once were are no longer, and things you never though would happen do. It is just one of the many signs that we live in a fallen world. Lately my life has been one of just that change. Changing jobs, classes, new responsibilities with being a president's Ambassador and teaching sunday school, and just changes. It is so true that there are seasons in life just like those that we expect and know the signs of and welcome each year with the changing of leaves, snow, rain, and sunshine. Each season brings a new challenge and change with an opportunity to learn and deepen your relationship with the One True Almighty God. Some seasons can feel surreal and as if you are in a movie. The unexpected or sometimes expected occurs just as Humpty Dumpty falls off the wall and you are left with the pieces to put back together. But what happens when all the kings horses and all the kings men can't put Humpty back together again? What if it hurts too much or is too hard? Thankfully we have one who can ALWAYS put it back together again... God. I honestly don't know where I would be without God and I am so thankful that He saved me at a young age. I don't know what i would have done through so many times in my life, in dealing with drama to my mom having thyroid cancer and so much more, if i didn't have God carrying me through. The summer before my senior year in High School i had the opportunity to go on a mission trip to Haiti where the poverty is extreme and the living conditions are terrible, yet the people of God sing for joy and have such a passion because they depend on God. They know God provides and he is all sufficient. I want that kind of a life that when people look at me they see God inside me and that He did it all, not me, but that He is the all powerful and sufficient one. I so thoroughly enjoy when God teaches me new things and the gift that I have a relationship with Him! In Him is my security, purpose, and identity. It makes me think of the verses:
                    And in Him you have been made complete!
                                  - Colossians 2:10
                    I am my beloved's and his desire is for me!
                                  - Song of Solomon 7:10
                    Let the beauty of the Lord my God be upon me!
                                  - Psalm 90:17
I am God's and He loves me! He has made me complete and in Him i live and move and breathe. Praise the Lord for sending Jesus to die on the cross so that He could bring us to himself so we could have a relationship with Him. There is grace for everything you've done and there is nothing he can't handle. No hurt or sorrow is too deep for God to heal, no wrong is too bad, and nothing can ever make God love you less. God is not disappointed in me, He loves me and delights in me. And when you understand that, it changes everything! Nothing is common or ordinary about you, God created you for a purpose and made you uniquely different!! It changes the way we love people, act, think, feel, and react in circumstances. Often the world wants to diagnose people, slap a label on them, and try to fix them with medicine or counseling. But without God it won't ever work, the problem is people need God, his healing, and his love. Not some psychoanalysis and psychologist but... God. God changes everything. He heals wounds we would never thought possible because it hurts too much, he releases us from the chains of sin, he restores relationships, he cleanses us, uses us, molds us, teaches us, loves us, etc etc etc... It truly is amazing when the Peace of God, which truly does surpass all understanding, guards your hearts and minds . . . when you are going through tragedy and pain, yet in the midst of it, everything is still ok because God's peace is there. When the world is falling down around you and yet you're still standing. And it's all because of God. Although life may be a roller coaster at times and all the kings horses and all the kings men can't put Humpty back together again, I know the one who can and does everyday! I am so thankful for the one true God who is there and has a personal, intimate relationship with me. May God's peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus today and forever . . .

Let the games begin!

So classes officially started on Monday and are now to a full swing with homework and a project being due in addition to taking a quiz in the glorious class of, that's right you guessed it, Calculus 3. Needless to say i have an interesting semester ahead of me between calc 3, education classes, biology, etc. Along with the beginning of a new semester comes questions such as what is biology? what is life? what is the meaning of life? why do you want to teach? what is (fill your topic of choice in here)? But my all time favorite question is the dreaded "what do you hope to get from this class?" Almost every teacher asks this and most add the comment "other than getting the 3 or 4 hour credit." (Now as a side note here this in my opinion is one of those questions where you're setting students and yourself up to fail because 9 out of 10 times they are in there because they have to be, but they simply say to learn more about whatever subject it is. But the truth is they have never thought of what they wanted to gain from the class until you asked it.) So as i am sitting in my health class contemplating my answer and i honestly think. . . nothing. I expect nothing out of this class. I have never had expectations for classes or hopes to gain one thing in particular because you see i like to just go along for the ride and look at the outcome in the end. And might i just add i have yet to not learn something from a class or be disappointed about one. But anyway tomorrow will now be the second day for the tuesday/thursday classes so hopefully most of those questions are done  and the madness can begin filled with chapters, tests, projects, observation hours, and portfolios. Oh the joys of being a student. It truly is amazing though how much knowledge is at our fingertips and what you can do with it. I often wonder while in classes who invented this? or how did they decide this is how it would be done? or who made it that way? Seriously though if you think about it who first learned and decided how surgery would be done for different ailments and how did they learn it? Who decided what the words in english would be? Or how did we know how to make sounds and associate them with letters and how to say them? Who made not having a comma in a list improper? So as you can see i work myself into a web of why? how? who? wow that's so interesting to me's and get lost in my thoughts. Needless to say i love school and learning. Hence why i want to become a teacher. But in this process of becoming a teacher you must take many education classes which prepare you but also ask you questions to make you plan and think ahead. Questions like. . . What setting do you want to teach in? What subject? Is teaching a good fit for you? What is your goal? Will you join a union? And on and on the list goes. These questions along with many others are to help you in looking ahead as a future teacher but i think sometimes since we are always looking ahead at a desired goal and how to prepare for it we miss some important things right now. We miss the opportunities that God gives us to see Him, spend time with Him, share Him with others, and many other things. Too often we are looking for the next step, the next goal because as a society we are taught goals and problem solving. All these are good things but at the same time we don't see the big picture so we need to enjoy where God has us right now and learn what he has for us in this moment because it may impact the next. We get so caught up in planning ahead and trying to control everything but we miss things in the process. One of my favorite quotes is "You don't need to know what tomorrow holds. All you need to know is the one who holds tomorrow." So what is the point in all this jibber jabber? The point is to look for God and what he wants to teach you each day while still doing your everyday routine. I may not know what tomorrow holds but i know the one who does. And i know that He has me exactly where He wants me and is going to teach me so much this semester in the midst of all the craziness and chaos. I just have to look for it. But enough for now on all that considering i need to read a chapter in health, biology, and education and it's already 11:30. Oh well you know nothing ever happens how you plan it. But that's part of the fun. Until next time. . .

So this bird looking out on the railing of my porch

is what caused most of this thought because the bird

is looking out or ahead into the yard. Oh the things 

that make you think. lol

Odds, Ends, & Everything Lately

So it feels like forever since i have blogged but a lot has happened including a lot of trips. The first week of July i went to Missouri to see my grandparents, aunt, and cousins. The second week i babysat, and the third week i went to Centrifuge. Centrifuge was at Union University this year in Jackson, Tennessee. It was an amazing week and God taught me so much. It's funny how you often think that you have dealt with things and moved on only to have God bring them up and show you that you haven't. It seems as if there is always something. Something to learn, something to let go of, something to give to God and allow Him to transform it. I guess it's just part of life and growing up. People always say that we put God in a box, but i think it's the other way around. We put ourselves in a box and only open it to let God have some part but then close the flaps and hold on tightly to everything else. We need to open up our boxes, step out, and let God have everything. He knows the plans he has for us, so who are we to question him? We need to let go and let God. But back to the craziness that has been my life lately. So the week before Centrifuge i found out that i had made it to the third and final round of interviews for President's Ambassadors at Volstate. President's Ambassadors give student tours, stuff envelopes, work special events, etc. It is a service leadership kind of a role. But anywho I had made it past the first two rounds of interviews only to find out that my third interview was the friday of Centrifuge. So, i drove to camp, to my interview, and back on friday. After much nervousness and a crazy interview i was selected to be a President's Ambassador, which was truly exciting and added to all the craziness i call my life.

Crazy Camp fun at the Casey Jones General Store
Girls Just Wanna Have FUN!! lol

Gorgeous Sunset at Camp :)

 The week after camp and being selected as an Ambassador, my family went on vacay to Gatlinburg. I absolutely love Gatlinburg!! The mountains are beautiful and you can just see the work of God. I don't see how anyone can look at creation and not see the fingerprints and design of God. It just baffles me. But that's a different discussion for another time. While in Gatlinburg we climbed the 6,000 feet to Clingman's dome. It was clear and beautiful; however, in case anyone was wondering if altitude sickness is real i can definitely say it is. I was dizzy and nauseous the whole way up to Clingman's dome and back. Needless to say this girl and 6,000 feet don't tango well together. But the rest of the trip was great considering it was the last week before everything new started.

Beautiful Waterfall :)

View from top of Clingman's Dome

Overlook from Old Smokey Mountain
National Park

 August marked several new beginnings in my life along with a close to one. August was off to a bang the first week with me starting training at Talbots in Green Hills Mall. I am proud to say that i am now officially on the floor selling at Talbots as of today with a great start. However, working at Talbots marked the end of me babysitting everyday some of my favorite kiddos. It was an extremely hard decision because i love the kids i watch, but with much prayer i know Talbots is where God has me for this year. So i am now completely out of my element with starting a new job. In addition, i had Ambassador training and am now looking forward to our first event. Did i mention that there were only two days of training to be an Ambassador and now we are jumping in?? I don't know whether to be nervous or excited, or both?? Needless to say I have been learning a lot of information lately between Talbots and President's Ambassadors. Not to mention that school starts August 29th, and i still don't have my books. I am taking 14 hours this semester, and i will need to make one of those honors. So my days will soon be filled with not only school and Talbots, but also Ambassador meetings, office hours, and events, Phi Theta Kappa meetings, Monday night biblestudy, small groups, teaching sunday school, and many other odds and ends. hah. I think it's safe to say that my life is back to full swing. But i cannot wait to see what God has in store this school year and the opportunities he has placed me in. My prayer is that he continues to renew my heart to be moved by what moves His and that He teaches me  every day. So that's what my July and August has looked like so far. Whew! It has flown by. I'm so looking forward to fall. But enough for now. Catch ya'll sometime soon.

Wonder, Ponder, Contemplate . . .

It's now 11:52 and after lying in bed for an hour and being unable to sleep i decided to get up for a bit. I cannot seem to turn my mind off tonight unfortunately. So i decided to blog. So here goes. Tonight my mom and I watched Eat, Pray, Love which by the way is a great movie. Her mind never seems to shut off, and i love that she decides to travel and live in other places. I would love to be able to travel and be in another country right now. If my scholarships would still be here when i got back, i would have taken a year off and been on a ship traveling around doing missions with Operation Mobilization.  Operation Mobilization is a missions organization that has various boats (well more like ships) that travel around the world. One can serve if accepted after the long process for a year or two while it sails around docking in different locations for a time serving in whatever capacity needed. I served in Holland the summer of my sophomore year in high school with four girls from OM while they were preparing the Logos Hope for sail. Sidorela being from Albania, Lena from Germany, Christine from Taiwan, and Norma from Mexico all had been accepted and would serve on the Logos Hope for a year; however, the ship (the Logos Hope) was not ready for sail so they joined us in Holland. Shortly after the trip the ship was ready and they set sail. I guess you could say i have a yin to travel. Ever since the trip to Holland my sophomore year I have loved traveling and other cultures. I was blessed to go to Haiti the following year on a mission trip as well. Haiti and Holland along with other cultures and countries fascinate me. It amazes me how other people live and their traditions. One is no more right than the other but rather they are all unique in their own way. Yet we all serve the same God. No matter what country you are in, what you eat, or how you dress God is the same. I remember being in Holland and Haiti on Sunday morning with the whole church singing praise to the King in their own tongue. Sometimes when i'm at church while everyone is singing i close my eyes and i can hear people singing in dutch and creole praises to God. We truly are such a small dot on a huge earth yet God moves in our lives and uses us. It amazes me how he loves us and uses us in ways we cannot even imagine. But i digress, so instead of being on a ship abroad right now i am in college studying to be a math teacher (which i love) and in a time of preparation. I don't know where i will teach once i have my bachelors and am working on my masters, but i feel called to full time missions and pray that God will have me teaching in another country in his timing. But who knows what God has in his plans. I could be teaching in a small school around here for the rest of my life. Whatever God has planned i know other countries and cultures will always hold a special place in my heart. All this thought from watching Eat, Pray, Love.

Unfortunately i often get stuck in a world of thought and cannot shut my brain off. However, i guess that is just how i deal with things. I often wonder about things. For example, as i was driving home saturday from Missouri i travel through this little city called Cairo, Illinois. Cairo has been ever since i remember a  "bad area" to travel through because it is known as "rough". It does not have many stores or much life to it as a city. The buildings and houses are run down and it has a more violent reputation. However, there are still people that live there and i often wonder what their stories are. What caused the area to become depleted and in the state it is in today? How is God working in the community and its people? It makes me think of Chattanooga Tennessee because it had become rundown and a rough area until the aquarium was built which brought industry back into the area, and as we can all see it is now thriving. But what would it take for Cairo to be built back up because it is a beautiful historic city? Or will it remain this way? I wonder how many people just travel through and how many have stopped to talk to the people and help them. Too often we look at the outward situation and immediately put a label or react in a certain way. Whether because it "is not safe" or it makes us step out of our own box i dont know, but we forget that they are still people with the same needs and desires. There is no difference between us when it comes down to it. We are all people created by God in his image to glorify him. The only thing that separates us is lost and found. We are all His sheep and we are to minister and love all people. So as i drive through Cairo Illinois each time i go to Missouri i wonder about the people there and how God is writing their stories. Maybe that's enough thinking for tonight and i will now be able to go to sleep. Oh well it's worth a try.

A little church in Cairo

Another church on the main drag in Cairo

And yet another church in Cairo
All three were within walking distance of the others

A typical house in Cairo

A New Old Discovery

So in a few hours i will be on my way back home after a wonderful week with family. But i thought i would share my fun find that i acquired tonight before going to bed. My Aunt Alta is one of my favorite people. She is so sweet and fun to be around plus she has the best stories. I remember her coming up to me at a family get together a few years back around thanksgiving in order to tell me that i am special because i am the only Weddle daughter left because the rest of them are married (lol. she doesnt have to worry about that anytime soon). She is too funny, but anyway she has been going through old pictures and things in order to purge the excessive amount to a more manageable sum. In this process she is having a yard sale tomorrow (well i guess technically it is today now) and while visiting tonight she asked me if i wanted to look through everything and see if i wanted anything. I dont know how many people know this but i love antiques and glass. Any kind of glass that is colored, textured, antique, blown, painted, in a unique pattern; it can come in a vase, bottle, lamp, bowl, or whatever- i love it! So while going through the stuff last night i came upon this bottle that was in the shape of a cottage house and had an old warn label that said "Mary Wheaton's Pancake Syrup" and it sat there in its deep blue glory with paul revere on a horse on the back with the original cork in it. So as you can probably guess i was so excited to have my new old discovery that my Aunt Alta gave me. I cleaned it up and researched to find that it is a 1976 Mary Wheaton Syrup Bottle that was made for the bicentennial at the time when they were celebrating Paul Revere's ride, which makes the bottle 35 years old. I must say it is one of the coolest looking things i think so i thought i would share. Well enough about that i'm off to sleep a few hours so i can go home tomorrow.

The blue bottle in all its glory:
Original Label and Everything!1

Paul Revere riding on his horse
with the date 1775

Something New

So i thought i would try out this whole blogging thing and see how i like it when i am not doing it because of a requirement for a class. I've been thinking a lot lately about various things and it all comes together under the statement or words Adventures & Footprints because as we all know life is a journey, but most of all i have realized how many adventures throughout my life already God has taken me on and the many more i look forward to as He continues to teach me. I hope and pray that i have and will continue to make a difference in other people's lives the way so many have made in mine, thus leaving footprints. It also makes me think of the poem "Footprints" that i am sure almost everyone has seen about God carrying you in the tough times when only one set of footprints was seen in the sand. Hence the title adventures & footprints.

I have had two days recently that i have been able to adventure around town and into some new places that i just love. I was in Springfield the other day and after finding the bank i discovered a cute little tea room across from a lovely turquoise building with a christian bookstore right down the way. The tea room was quaint and i got to discuss travels and tea from various countries with the owner. A conversation that i can say was truly planned by God.

Turquoise Building across from the Tea Room :)

This week though i have been fortunate enough to come to Missouri to spend time with my grandparents, Aunt, and cousins. When i was little i used to come up to Missouri and spend weeks during the summer, but this is the first summer since i had my first job at Thomas Drugs when i was 15 that i have been able to come spend a week. I came up on tuesday and get to stay until tomorrow. We have done many summer activities like swimming and going to the lake, but i must say my favorite was going to the Muny in Saint Louis. The Muny is an outdoor theater for live performances with paid and free seating available. They have many traveling productions come through from Singing in the Rain to Hairspray and Beauty and the Beast. However, this week The Little Mermaid opened Wednesday night with me, my Aunt, two cousins, and grandmother in the audience. It was so much fun from waiting in line and talking to those around us to the balloons and the performance.

The Little Mermaid: Balloon Version (lol) 

The Girls at The Muny

Today i had a couple of hours alone to venture around Farmington. It was one of the most beautiful days outside. I ate lunch at 12 West Bar & Grill, wandered through Jennie Annie's, around the block, and through The Oasis bookstore. While in the bookstore i found this book Leaving by Karen Kingsbury. In the first chapter they are at church when the preacher talks about no matter what in life people will always leave whether by choice or death, but the only one who remains and never leaves is Jesus, which is so true. As i have gotten older days seem to go by faster as well as years. Everything is constantly changing and i am moving on to different stages in my life. And i cannot honestly say that i like it. I mean don't get me wrong i love new adventures and change but the truth is that it scares me. It scares me that before i know it i will be older and loved ones will be gone. It scares me that life will be over before i know it. I mean these are all things that you know are true since you are little and people always say life is over in the blink of an eye, but it suddenly has caught up with me and i see it. And quite honestly it scares me. But thank God He is there and it all is in his hands because I know no matter what may come my way God has to allow it and he is there to carry me through it. He is there when there is only one set of footprints because he is carrying me. There are a lot of unknowns in life, and i'm glad i don't know because it takes out the fun plus i would not learn near as much or fall more in love with Jesus as he teaches me. Besides He is God and i'm not. Thankfully though he gives his peace which surpasses all understanding... Philippians 4:6-7. So no matter the adventures and people that walk through my life their footprints will forever remain and God will carry me through. Life is so short and i want to live showing everyone i come into contact with the love of Jesus and what he has done. "We dont have time to maintain these regrets when we think about the way he loves us oh how he loves us oh how he loves us O how he loves. . . " (How He Love Us).

Downtown Farmington

Random little church on the corner

Old Watch on a necklace I found
in Jennie Annie's